


I Won't Let You Go

by PoisonousDesire



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Canon Gay Relationship, During The Hobbit, Implied Relationships, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Torture, M/M, Male Homosexuality, Mild Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-17
Updated: 2018-05-17
Packaged: 2019-05-08 03:39:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 25
Words: 14,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14685672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PoisonousDesire/pseuds/PoisonousDesire
Summary: Bilbo Baggins agreed to go on the journey with Thorin and company because Gandalf asked him to, and Gandalf was a friend. But he didn't expect to find love...and definitely not with the most unexpected person ever. The others don't understand, even threaten to shun them...but can Bilbo stand up for the one he loves, and the only love that he's ever understood? And most importantly, will Thorin forgive Bilbo's past crimes? WARNING: Thorin and Bilbo!





	1. At Last, An Adventure!

I was so used to being alone in The Shire that I never stopped to think about what might happen if suddenly, a group of dwarves just showed up on my doorstep. Like who would've thought? I never expected it either, but I can say it changed my life for the better.....

 

BEFORE I was making a very nice, delicious dinner. I had put a lot of thought and planning into this dinner. I had used many different recipes and encountered many fiascos, yet this was definitely my best yet. I wasn't having anyone over for dinner...I never did. I was used to being alone, and I liked my life that way. No one to bug me, no one to criticize my food--ah, this was the life. 

So why was I so damn lonely?

Sure, there were many women that would come to my house, many that tried to become my lover, friend, girlfriend, whatever...but none of them stayed. They all said my poisonous, selfish personality scared them away. If that was true, I had no hope.

I sat down and prepared to eat, looking at my long table set out with food. Just as I was about to take a bite, a knock sounded at my door. I let out a long sigh.

"No one's home!" I shouted.

The knock came again, and this time I gave in and went to the door. Pulling it open, there stood Gandalf.

"Gandalf!! What are you doing here?"

He came in and began talking about a bunch of Dwarves and jibberish. Something about how a dragon named Smaug had taken over Lonely Mountain, and the new soon to be king needed help reclaiming a stone from the mountain, or needed the mountain back, and that's why Gandalf had come to enlist me...

Wait...WHAT?!?!?!

"Gandalf, I am not helping a bunch of Dwarves," I said indignantly. "You must have smoked too much pipeweed, because think. I'm a Hobbit. Hobbits do not go on adventures. We sit in our homes and eat, drink, make merry. We don't do anything else. Dragons, fighting, adventures...we don't do that. We just don't."

"Well, that's a real shame...because I already told them you would help."

"I won't."

"Feel free to tell him that when he arrives."

"Who?!"

Gandalf started to answer, but before he could another knock came at the door. Within minutes I was swarmed by Dwarves, and they began attacking the kitchen table where my lovely spread of food was!! I nearly began to cry from desperation, until at last came a different knock at the door.

"He's here."

With many insults on the tip of my tongue, I angrily marched to the door and pulled it open to behold...him. Thorin Oakenshield, future king. My mouth went instantly dry and all my insults evaporated. I couldn't say a word.

Finally I found my voice. "None of you Dwarves are welcome here."

Before Thorin could reply, Gandalf swept me behind him in one fluid motion. "He doesn't know what he's saying. The shock of seeing all of you at once has caused him to...overthink the possibility of being your burglar."

"BURGLAR?!"

He turned to me and whispered very rapidly, "If you value your life, play along, it will all be revealed in time."

And that's how my journey began.


	2. Becoming A Burglar

So I was to become a burglar. I couldn't believe this. Gandalf had signed me up to steal things for Dwarves? Too much pipeweed indeed. How in the world did he think I would even CONSIDER taking this job...position...whatever it was!!! 

"All you need to do," Thorin was explaining, "is steal the Arkenstone from under the dragon's feet. Once you have acquired it, you give it to me, and only me. And after the dragon is slain, we reacquire the treasure that is rightfully ours."

"And the Arkenstone?" I asked.

"The next king must have the Arkenstone," Thorin told me. "That's why you must bring it to me when you receive it. Is that understood?"

I nodded, slowly, wilting under his fierce gaze. Apparently the Arkenstone was serious business.But I still wasn't even sure I wanted to be a part of this.

All of the Dwarves were watching me intently, waiting for my answer. I knew what awaited me if I said no.

"Gentlemen, you're all forgetting something," I began. "I'm a Hobbit. Hobbits don't go into battle. We never even hold weapons. We're solitary creatures that prefer staying here in our Hobbitholes and not stepping outside unless it's mandatory. We eat, we drink, we party. We don't fight and we don't go to war. We don't leave the Shire. Adventures are for Elves and Dwarves and maybe even Wizards, but not Hobbits. I'm not an adventurous person and I'd just be a burden."

Thorin looked at Gandalf. "You said Hobbits are very hardy and quiet creatures..."

"They are!" I protested. "We are quiet. We can sneak when we want, I did it all the time to pickpocket..."

I broke off when I noticed them staring. "That's, uh, besides the point. The point is, I can't go on this adventure, quest, thing. It's not for me. And you will agree. This is the business of the Dwarves, not the Hobbits."

Before they left, all the Dwarves sang a song about the Misty Mountains. I had to admit, it was a nice song, but if things were so urgent, why did they waste time singing? I noticed the contract they had laid out, and seriously contemplated signing it. But I thought about my earlier arguments. This was no place for a Hobbit...or was it? All my life I had longed for adventure, for doing something other than just sitting around in Hobbiton. But...wasn't this dangerous?

You live for the danger, a small voice said at the back of my mind. Stop being such a coward. You can go with them, and the name of Bilbo Baggins will be spoken throughout all of Middle Earth.

I didn't want to be famous.

They finished singing, and I went to sleep. The next morning, they were gone, and the contract was still laying there. I knew what I wanted. So I signed the contract, packed my bags, and rushed out the door to find the Dwarves.

It was time to become a burglar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Transferred from Wattpad. Fanfic belongs to me. Username on Wattpad is @TheCaptainHydra.


	3. Journey's Beginning.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bilbo begins his journey with Thorin and company.

"I signed it!" I shouted, waving the contract in the air as I chased after the Dwarves. "I signed the contract!"

Not far away, I saw them, and Gandalf among them. I counted them mentally in my head--Balin, Dwalin, Kili, Fili, Bombur, Bofur, Ori, Dori, Oin, Gloin, and the others. And yes, there was Thorin. They were all there. I saw Thorin look back and raise his hand, and the company stopped.

I handed Thorin the contract. "I signed it," I said proudly.

"And I thought Hobbits belonged in the Shire," Balin reminded me. 

"Not this Hobbit. I have decided I want to have some adventure."

All of the Dwarves rolled their eyes at me, but I ignored them. I pushed the contract into Thorin's face. He took it out of my hands, rolled it up, and stuffed it into one of his saddlebags. "Someone get the Hobbit a horse," He said, and rode on.

"A horse? No, no I can walk. I'm sure..."

Kili rode by and grabbed me, pulling me onto the horse with him. Well, fine then. I could handle a horse, I just didn't want to. so they could leave me alone. 

The horse went on, and we seemed to never stop. I don't know where we were going, and I honestly didn't care, because I just wanted to stop somewhere and eat, since my dinner got ruined (thanks to SOME PEOPLE). All I hoped was that they didn't really eat moldy bread or drink just ale, like the stories said. I mean, ale was wonderful, but water was nice sometimes too. 

We stopped at a small campsite and everyone took out food. Fili and Kili were told to watch the horses, which was fine with me. I just wanted food.

The meal was nice. It was some delicious chicken soup with ale, of course. But it actually was a very nice combination, and maybe I did get a little wired from having too much ale. Gandalf shouldn't have let me hold his cup. Dwarven ale tastes a bit like cinnamon and honey, something that is very addicting and yummy. I drank nearly all of his, but Gandalf was so preoccupied with something I don't think he even noticed. So I guess what happened later was my fault, a little bit, but then again not really. I mean, I didn't let the ponies loose, and I tried to get help...

Sorry, I'm getting ahead of myself. So anyways, after we had all eaten, Thorin handed me two big bowls full of stew and told me to take them to Fili and Kili. I did as I was asked, and we ended up finding out two of the ponies were missing. Fili and Kili instructed me to stand there and keep watch, and they'd go get help. I sat there waiting, and they never came back, so I took matters into my own hands. I went after the ponies on my own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Transferred from Wattpad. Fanfic rights belong to me. Username on Wattpad is @TheCaptainHydra.


	4. Trolls.

I crept closer to where the ponies were, trapped in a small fenced off area. Who the hell had put them over here? I was about to undo the lock allowing them to run free when a noise behind me startled me, causing me to turn around slowly. I turned and beheld a troll. 

No, not just one...two...three!!! Three huge trolls, towering above me, sitting around their campfire. Luckily, their backs were turned to me, or else I would be troll food. I didn't know what to do, or say. If I opened the gate, the ponies would escape, but the trolls would notice me. Fili and Kili would be back soon, but did I dare wait for them? I had to make a move, and soon. 

So I decided to just wait. I hid in the shrubbery surrounding the ponies' cage, and hoped for them to come soon. And sure enough, they came, all fourteen of them, swords flashing. I had never been so relieved in my life. I began to crawl over to them when Thorin saw me, caught my eye, and slightly shook his head. I was confused until I realized! The trolls had not yet seen me. I had the upper hand. Before they noticed me, I quickly turned and freed the ponies, only to realize the silence. As I slowly turned back around, all three trolls were staring at me.

My first instinct was to run. Just run into the bushes and never look back. But something--I didn't know what then--made me stay. And I'm glad I didn't run. I stared up at the trolls, did some quick thinking, and pulled up some random weeds sticking up by the fence. "Did you gents forget seasoning?"

The first troll looked at me. "Seasoning? I don't think so! We trolls like to peel flesh from bones, and eat our prey raw!"

I made a disgusted face that wasn't at all forced. "Raw? No, no, no, you've been doing it wrong all this time. You see, you must cook your food first. Cooking brings out more nutrients...and....is healthier..." I saw Thorin roll his eyes but luckily trolls are morons and didn't realize I was trying to stall them.

"Shall we cook you?" asked the second troll.

"I would not recommend that, because Hobbits are absolutely repulsive...we smell, we have a bad taste, and there's not really much of us to split three ways."

"That's why we can just cook up a Dwarf or two!" chimed in the third troll, and I wanted to fall into the dirt and just die. We were doomed.

The trolls hoisted all the Dwarves into huge burlap sacks and zipped them up, while I prepared the pot that would cook us all. As I was stirring, I blinked into the trees. Was that...the Sun? And where on Earth was Gandalf?

Suddenly, I remembered something I had only read about in books.

"You know, there is something utterly wrong with this mixture," I said disdainfully, glaring into the pot. "We are missing a very important ingredient...you see, Dwarf flesh is absolutely disgusting...if we don't get something to kill the parasites that infest them, we'll get their parasites ourselves. And let me just say right now, Dwarf parasites are not something you three gentlemen want."

Of course, I was just spewing lies out of my mouth. The Dwarves became indignant, promising they didn't have parasites, until Thorin realized what I was doing. With a sharp kick to Kili, all of them recanted and began assuring the trolls they did, indeed, have parasites.

I just rolled my eyes to high heaven and hoped I could stall them just a bit longer.

"I think he's lying," the first troll said.

"LET DAWN TAKE YOU!" a voice shouted from the trees, and the startled trolls turned to face the sunlight--and immediately turned into stone. 

A huge weight lifted off my shoulders, and I sighed with relief. Now I could truly relax.

Thorin came up to me. "Smart thinking, Master Baggins, to stall those trolls," he told me.

I didn't know how to respond to praise. "I...yes, um...well, I couldn't have done it without you--all of you, the company. I would be dead if you hadn't come springing from those trees....looking completely fabulous and majestic, I finished in my head. 

As the future king walked back to join his company, I began to seriously think I was in trouble....

Did Gandalf mention Thorin was from Erebor?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Transferred from Wattpad. Rights belong to me. Wattpad username: @TheCaptainHydra


	5. Ghosts Of The Past.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bilbo reflects on his past.

Erebor was not exactly a time I wanted to remember. I would have been happy to erase that memory from my mind completely. But, as always, something from the past came back to haunt me. Though it is going to be painful to recall everything that went on, I can stay silent no longer.

When I was younger, probably around 44, I journeyed to Erebor to deliver a small parcel to the current magistrate. The magistrate was second in command to the king, and I believed it was a great honor. Normally, I wouldn't have accepted the task, but I didn't have a choice this time. Their usual runner was out in Rivendell, making runs there. So I was stuck with the job. I finally accepted when they offered to pay me 700 gold pieces, the standard runner's fee.

Anyways, so I made my long, painstaking journey to Erebor, and when I finally arrived, I was greeted very rudely. The magistrate had the guards beat me, because he didn't believe I was running a parcel to the king. When they inspected the parcel and discovered it was indeed for the king, instead of apologizing, they threw me in the deepest, darkest dungeon they had, where I stayed for many long months, all the while wondering what crime I could have possibly committed. I don't know exactly how many days I stayed there, when a young (okay, and handsome) Dwarf stopped by and noticed me in there. He didn't recognize my name or the fact that I was a Hobbit. But he came back and got me out of the dungeon, and put the magistrate in my place. It wasn't until I had left Erebor that I found out the one who had freed me was the prince Thorin.

Of course, he didn't remember me. That was many years ago, and his father was still alive at that point. But the point was, he had saved my life. And he didn't even know it. As I was dwelling on the past, I watched him from across the campsite. He was sharpening his sword, intent on what he was doing. Why didn't he remember me? Was I really that unimportant, so insignificant, that he didn't remember my face? Surely he noticed I was a Hobbit when I was sitting in that jail cell. Or, maybe not. Maybe he had just heard that I had been wrongly imprisoned and had got me out. Whatever his reasons, I was eternally grateful, and forever in his debt. I surely would have died if he hadn't taken me out of there.

I decided not to tell him. At least, not then. I wanted to wait, until the right time, to tell him all that had transpired. Surely he would remember that prisoner he broke out, so many years ago. Even if he had never learned my name or my face, the event enough was surely still vivid in his mind. Did he ever wonder where that prisoner went? What he was doing today? How he had fared after being set free? I could only hope he'd thought of me.

Because, after that event, I had thought of him. It wasn't until earlier with the trolls that I remembered Gandalf saying he was from Erebor. All this time I had been travelling with the one who had saved me, and he had no idea. 

I got up from where I was sitting and walked over to Gandalf, my eyes still fixed on Thorin. 

"You look lost in thought," the wizard announced.

"Oh, you know. Just ghosts of the past."

"Ah, you have those, too."

"Doesn't everyone?"

"Everyone has a past, yes. But not everyone has an event in the past that comes back to haunt them...like the memory that's haunting you, right now. It can be seen in your eyes, Bilbo Baggins. The eyes are the doorway to the soul. All of your emotions come out of your eyes."

Was that so? Quickly, I averted my eyes from Thorin to the campfire. 

"What if some of us perish on this journey, Gandalf?"

"Death is a part of life, Bilbo. It's something all of us must accept, no matter how hard."

I nodded, willing to drop the subject. I just wanted to be happy, to have an adventure, but I also wanted to be able to return to the Shire with my skin intact. To return at all. 

With a shake of my head, I unrolled my bed and laid down, trying to block out the ghosts that insisted on haunting me. From across the way, Thorin met my eyes, and smiled.


	6. Journey Continues.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thorin and Bilbo share a nice chat.

We woke up early the next morning to continue on the next leg of our journey. We had passed some old, abandoned campsites which Thorin feared belonged to goblins or Orcs. I was in no hurry to meet up with any of those, I had heard they could be particularly nasty, and Orcs...well, they would eat anything and everything.

"Bilbo," Thorin said as we rode the ponies, "come up here and ride beside me. I wish to speak with you."

Nervously, I guided my pony so we were side by side. "Yes?"

"Tell me about your home."

"Well..." I hesitated. What was there to tell, really? Did the future king under the mountain really want to know, or was he just making conversation? "The Shire is a nice place, at least for us Hobbits. We don't use weapons or have wars, we're generally very peaceful...um, we like to farm. And smoke pipeweed and have parties, but of course we usually do work before play. We eat alot..."

He smiled. "It sounds like a very nice place, Master Baggins," he told me. "Perhaps one day I will have to come and see this Shire at it's full glory, in the daylight."

I was stunned. "You will have to show us how to make Dwarven ale," I replied. "Our ale is rather dull, and tastes a bit like Earth."

He laughed out loud, and I was embarrassed. What had I said? Thorin looked at me and noticed my cheeks were red. "Oh, no worries, Master Baggins. I laughed merely because I could taste what you described, and it's a foul taste indeed. I promise that one of these days, after our journey, I will bring you a special recipe for Dwarven Ale, and we will share a mug or two together."

I nodded, unable to speak. Would he really be impressed with the Shire? He had been in my home, for a small time, but he had been in it nonetheless. Had he been impressed with what he had seen? I hoped so, but for some reason I couldn't find the courage to ask. 

"What about your family?" He asked, growing serious again.

"Family. Well, Thorin, it's simple. I have no family. I have nothing, and no one. Well, that's not true. I have a sister, and some disgruntled relatives that I wish to disassociate myself with. But other than that, I have no one. I have had many women come to me, but they haven't stayed. They claim I'm selfish. And I suppose, maybe I am."

"Selfish? Why do they call you that?" His gaze was burning into me, and I had to look away.

"Many of them want to leave the Shire...they want to go out and see the world, to be somewhere else other than Hobbiton. I understand their point of views as to why they want to leave, but...I have no desire to leave the Shire. It's my home, it's always been my home, I don't think I should leave it just because someone wants to."

Thorin nodded. "That's not selfish, Master Baggins. That's simply just your preference in life. I had to leave Erebor, and many of the women that desired a relationship did not want to leave. They chose to stay, so I went without them. And here I am..."

For a few minutes, we rode in silence, just thinking. Then I spoke up. "My sister has one child, a boy named Frodo. I keep meaning to visit him but I haven't had a chance. I just hope I get to make it back and see him."

"I assure you, you will make it back," Thorin promised. 

"But how can you be sure? There are so many dangers."

"That's why we come armed, Bilbo Baggins."

I flushed. I was being illogical and I knew it. It was on the tip of my tongue to ask him about Erebor, about that day so long ago, when he had saved my life. I was going to ask if he remembered that prisoner, until I realized I was afraid to hear the answer, in case the answer was no. I didn't want to have to deal with the pain of knowing that he had forgotten me. 

"Next stop?" I asked instead.

"We cross through Rivendell," he answered, his voice tight. Had I angered him in some way? I stayed silent, waiting for him to make the next conversation.

But he said nothing, and we rode on together, in silence.


	7. Beginning To Face The Truth.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bilbo begins to accept his growing feelings for Thorin.

I couldn't sleep that night. Not only was I plagued by nightmares, but I was also wondering why I was so worried about what Thorin Oakenshield thought of me. Did it honestly matter? Why was his opinion, his trust, his approval so damn important to me? I hadn't the slightest idea. And, why was I so worried that he wouldn't remember me? Why did I need him to remember me? I was going to make myself sick with all this analyzing. 

I tossed and turned on my cot, trying to escape the memories. But they followed me, and I finally had to get up. I walked to the edge of the camp and sat on the edge of a cliff, thinking about how things had progressed so far...the conversations we'd had, the looks we'd exchanged, everything that had happened since I left my home in the Shire and come on this journey. I was still trying to figure out why Thorin mattered so much to me, why I cared what he thought so much. A small, nagging feeling was pounding on the back of my mind, but I pushed it away. It was such an absurd thought there was no way it could be true.

But it was.

I was beginning to slowly face the truth, that there was a possibility I could have...feelings for Thorin. I was so ashamed to admit that, even to myself. There was no way in Heaven above or Earth below that I would ever, ever tell him. He would think I was insane, a freak, a weirdo. They already thought I was strange enough, being a Hobbit and all. I understood the fact that they weren't accustomed to Hobbits, but they could have at least treated me better, like a member of the company.

A slight scuffling behind me made me jump, and I turned around quickly only to see Thorin. My heart began to pound, seeing him standing there in the moonlight, looking very majestic and like the king he was soon to be.

"Bilbo, I didn't know you were here," he said, coming to sit beside me.

I blushed. "I couldn't sleep, so I decided to come sit here for a while, to think. Try to come to terms with the ghosts of the past. Face the truth."

"What truth is that?"

Of course I was going to lie. "That I might never come home," I answered quietly. "That I'll never see the Shire again. I kind of accepted that I might be leaving it behind for good when I left it, but my heart is still there, you know?"

He nodded. "I understand. My heart is back home, too. We all belong somewhere, Bilbo. You just have to find out where that place is. And your heart will let you know where you belong. When I first left Erebor, I was terrified. I didn't want to leave. How was I going to survive on my own, away from my home? And then my sister told me she wanted me to take her boys...Fili and Kili. That eased my loneliness somewhat, but it's not the same."

So he was homesick too. I didnt think Dwarves got homesick. They always seemed like such hard warriors, always focused on the battle, ready to die if need be to defend their fellow Dwarves and their land. But I was seeing another side of Thorin that I hadn't seen before. 

"You don't have a wife or kids back home?"

He shook his head. "I'm always moving, always on the go. I could never find a woman that would be willing to journey with me...they all wanted to stay in Erebor while I did everything. From a certain point of view, I see how that makes sense...but what's the point of having someone if they won't be a part of your life in the way you need them most?"

I nodded, and slowly found myself reaching for his hand. Before he could notice, I snatched my hand back. 

"Well, goodnight Thorin, it's been a nice chat," I said, hurriedly standing up. I ran back to my cot and laid down, pretending to sleep. I would be awake half the night, but like Gandalf said, eyes were the window to the soul, and I couldn't risk him seeing any truths that shone from my eyes.


	8. Windows To The Soul.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> BAGGINSHIELD

The next morning as I awoke, I tried to forget about my stupid little mishap last night, when I'd almost grabbed Thorin's hand. How could I have been so absentminded, so idiotic! Surely he would mention something about it, or have a good laugh at my expense. My stomach turned at the thought. 

With a sigh, I turned to my belongings and began packing up. Today we would be heading to Rivendell, where the Elves lived. I was a little nervous. Some legends said that Elves could read minds, and they would be disgusted if they could read mine. I was so thankful Thorin hadn't seen my eyes last night...he might have guessed everything. Like Gandalf said, eyes were the windows to the soul. And my soul was being tortured knowing I couldn't have this love my heart clearly desired. There was no point denying it anymore.

I was in love with Thorin Oakenshield.

When I accepted that, everything became easier. I had faced the truth. I knew I would never, ever, tell anyone, especially not Thorin. 

After I had packed up all of my stuff, I slowly made my way to the middle of camp, where everyone was seated, eating a special breakfast prepared by Bombur. I'm not sure what was so special about it, but I was hungry. As I began to get some stew, I noticed Thorin watching me from across the way. I pretended not to notice, but I could feel his eyes on me, and I became very nervous.

I took a seat by myself on an empty log, and Thorin finally tore his gaze away from me to bark orders at Fili and Kili. I ate quickly while he wasn't looking, and then got rid of my empty bowl. I had turned away to grab some water when a shadow fell over me. I turned to see Thorin, towering above me, but also very close. I blushed and felt heat seep up the back of my neck. Why was he so close? What did he want?

"Master Bilbo," he said, "When we begin our journey to Rivendell, you will ride beside me. This way I can keep an eye on you and make sure you don't stray off the path."

I nodded, blushing. "S-sure, if you insist."

"I do insist. See that you don't make me have to insist again." And so saying, he sat down.

Fili and Kili had watched that whole exchange with narrowed eyes, making me very uncomfortable. What did they think? What all had they seen? I was all at once so nervous, I could have just thrown up. I wanted to get away from their searching eyes, their accusing stares. So I ran.

And bumped into Gandalf.

"Bilbo Baggins, why are you so far from camp?" he asked me.

"Why are you?!" I challenged.

"I'm guarding the camp, something you don't know how to do. Why are you here? Are you taking over for me?"

I shook my head, and sat down on a nearby stump. "No...I just needed to get away. I'm tired of them silently judging me. And I know they do, so don't even try to say otherwise."

"Who is judging you?"

"Everyone! Fili and Kili especially. Everytime Thorin says something to me, they give each other these looks and then whisper stuff to each other...as if I don't exist and as if I don't know that they're talking about me."

"Bilbo, why would they be worried about what Thorin says to you?"

"He came up to me and told me to ride by him so that I didn't stray off the path....and then I saw them making a big deal about it." I was blushing, as deeply as possible, and I think I was so red that I knew Gandalf could see.

"Look at me."

I looked up with a sigh, and Gandalf looked at me searchingly. "You love him," he said simply.

"So what if I do?" I replied resignedly. "I barely admitted the truth to myself, Gandalf. How am I supposed to deal with what the others think?"

"The Elves won't like this," he mused.

"The Elves won't know!" I said adamantly. "No one will know, Gandalf, besides you and me."

"It's too late, Mr. Baggins," the wizard said. "Love is pouring clearly from your eyes. Any fool could see it. You just better hope Thorin Oakenshield is a bigger fool than you think, or he will find out the truth with one look."


	9. Rivendell.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gandalf spills a secret.

  It was night time when we arrived in Rivendell. The city was beautiful, and I was anxious to see it inside. I had read so much about Elves, and now I was going to see them for the first time! Gandalf went in ahead of all of us, and Thorin was standing by me, a little close, in fact. I tried to shirk away just a bit but each time I moved, he moved too. I decided to just stand there, with my shoulder pressed against his, and hope no one would notice.

"The Elves will now see us," Gandalf announced. "The Lady Galadriel and Lord Elrond demand an audience with myself and the other wizard, Saruman. The rest of you will be treated to nice rooms, in this beautiful city. Be respectful and kind to your hosts, and for goodness' sake be quiet."

We nodded and, to my surprise, no one argued. I guess they knew better than to argue with a wizard. Besides, everyone seemed to be in awe of the city. As we were led through the halls by some Elf, I didn't even notice or care how close Thorin was walking by me. I just couldn't wait to have an actual bed to sleep in, and real food to eat! It had been a long, long while. Six months, in fact, since I'd left the Shire. Oh, how I missed my home.

The Elf led us in pairs to separate rooms. I was shocked, stunned, and embarrassed when I realized they were putting Thorin and I in one room. I blushed deeply as I noticed one bed, and a curse word actually escaped my lips. 

"Something wrong?" Thorin asked.

"I was just...admiring that bedpost," I lied. "The oak is so smooth...how on Earth did they get it so smooth?" I stroked the bedpost, pretending to be in awe of how smooth it was. Really, it was nothing special. 

"They're Elves, Master Baggins, I assume they can do anything with trees." With a sigh, Thorin laid down on the bed, his hand stroking the Elven sheets. Elves used silk, something us Hobbits coveted but could never acquire. I was tempted to lay down, too, but instead I unrolled my cot and lay on the ground. It was hard and uncomfortable, but after six months of sleeping on the cold hard ground, it was nothing.

"Bilbo, why are you on the ground?" Thorin asked me.

"Because, you're the king..."

"And that matters why? Get up here, Master Baggins. It's not everyday you get to feel the softness of Elven silk."

Realizing it would be useless to argue, I slowly got up and reluctantly laid on the very edge of the bed, as far away as possible, though I wanted to be closer. I avoided his eyes at all costs.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Lord Elrond, we have a slight...problem, with the Hobbit," Gandalf was saying.

"What is this problem?"

"He has fallen in love..." Gandalf didn't want to say anything else, because of the promise he'd made to Bilbo, but he didn't have a choice. The Elves were going to find out soon enough, anyway. All they had to do was see the way he looked at Thorin to know the truth.

"And this is a bad thing?" Lady Galadriel said, in her soft voice.

"...with Thorin," Gandalf finished. Amid gasps, he continued, "I promised I would keep this secret, per his request, but I thought it would be better if you all heard it from me."

"What should be done?" Saruman asked.

"Nothing," Elrond replied after a long silence.

"Nothing?"

"The Hobbit is unsure of his feelings at the moment. He's accepted the fact that he could be in love with Thorin, and this haunts him. He doesn't want anyone else to know, which tells me that he is careful. No one else knows except Gandalf. I don't think it would be wise to call attention to it at this moment...but if you enter the hall of the Wood Elves, who knows what Thuranduil will do."

"I intend to avoid the Wood Elves," Gandalf answered. "You must not let Bilbo know that you know...and I will convince him to follow his heart. Better to live happy than in a life of misery, hating yourself for a love you cannot have."

"Does Thorin reciprocate this love?" Galadriel asked. "If not, misery will still follow...."  


	10. Betrayal.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bilbo confronts Gandalf for spilling his secret.

I woke up, unaware that I had fallen asleep. I turned my head and saw that Thorin was still sound asleep, his back towards me. I breathed a sigh of relief, then slipped out of the bed and hurried into the hallway, where I bumped into Fili.

"Where's Uncle?" he asked me, a suspicious note in his voice. Well, I'll be damned. What did he have to be suspicious of?

"He's still asleep, Fili. Can you please tell me where Gandalf is?" 

"Last I saw, he was talking to Lady Galadriel," Fili answered. I started to walk away, but Fili said, "Hey, Bilbo?"

I turned back around. "Yes?"

"Do you love my uncle?"

My heart began to pound. "What? Where on Earth would you get an idea that absurd, Fili? Who put that in your head?"

"Well, Kili mentioned that you act really strange around him...like, you won't meet his eyes. You rarely talk to him or about him. And when you do, you act like you want to say more, but instead you hesitate and turn away."

I didn't know what to say. Part of me wanted to just admit the truth and hear the satisfaction of myself saying the words out loud, but another part of me demanded I stay quiet. I didn't know what the best course of action was, and I was at a loss for words. Fili was the next heir to the throne after Thorin. Maybe he had a right to know.

I sighed. "I don't know, to be completely honest with you. My heart is saying one thing, my head is saying another. I'm trying to come to terms with all my emotions, and while part of me is saying yes, the other part is saying no. So I can honestly say, I don't know."

Fili nodded. "I won't tell," he assured me. "I won't tell Kili either. Although he is my brother, sometimes he says things at the wrong time, and I don't want him giving away your secret."

"But y-you're okay with it?"

"Why wouldn't I be? If it makes Thorin happy, then why not? He deserves some happiness after all this sadness. If he doesn't know how you feel, Bilbo, I would tell him. I would tell him the truth so that he can reciprocate those feelings."

Without another word, he walked away.

I continued my search for Gandalf and found him in the other hallway. He looked a bit troubled and also a bit guilty. What did he have to feel guilty about? I was going to tell him all about my encounter with Fili, but before I could say a word, he started talking. 

"The Elves had to know," he said.

I was confused. "Had to know what?"

"About you. They had to know about the feelings you're having. You must embrace them."

I was stunned. He'd told the Elves?! I was furious. He had betrayed me! I had given him my secret, and he'd turned around and told the Elves. I don't care if he liked Lady Galadriel, he had no right to tell her!!!

"That wasn't your secret to tell, Gandalf!" I roared. "And next time, I'll know not to trust you!"

"Bilbo, calm down! It was my place to tell them! They would have known otherwise. And you, you need to tell Thorin your feelings. It's the only way to make all of this go away. Whether or not he accepts that fact, he needs to know how you feel. It can be dangerous holding these emotions inside for too long."

"He will never know my feelings," I retorted. "Gandalf, I will never tell Thorin. He doesn't need to know."

"Know what?" the voice came from behind me. I turned slowly, only to face Thorin.

Well, shit.


	11. Might As Well Tell.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bilbo tells Thorin?

I stammered, trying to hide the fact. "Um, I...nothing! Nothing at all. You see, I was speaking of the Shire..."

"Bilbo..." Gandalf's voice was resigned. "You might as well tell. He will find out soon enough, and it's best that you just let him know." With that, he left the room, leaving us two alone. My heart began to pound and I became so nervous, I almost lost my voice. Thorin was staring at me, puzzled, waiting. 

"Throughout these six months we've been journeying," I began, slowly, "I have been...acquiring feelings for someone. Someone in the company. And I don't know how to tell them, because not only is it very weird, but also because I highly doubt they'll feel the same way. And I can't hide it anymore, apparently. Any advice?"

Thorin was still staring, making my cheeks turn red. I could feel them burning, and I wanted to turn away, but those brilliant eyes just swallowed me in and carried me down. I couldn't look away.

"Who is it?" he asked me finally.

I shook my head. "I can't say, or it wouldn't be a secret, now would it?"

His gaze became more intense. "Who.Is.It."

I sighed, then looked at the ground. "It's you, Thorin. All right? I have feelings for you and I don't know why they are there but they're there, and they are continuing to drive me crazy."

I couldn't bring myself to look up. If I looked up, I would see that scorching gaze staring at me, judging me. So I kept my eyes averted, and awaited his response.

"How did this happen, Master Baggins?" he asked, his voice strangely tender.

"I've been asking myself the same question," I said nervously.

He didn't say a word. In fact, he just turned and walked out of the room. I could hear his footsteps receding as he walked away.

My heart just sank into my stomach. Suddenly I was seetthing in anger, and planning the killing of Gandalf. He had made me tell! He had ruined everythin! I wanted to scream, shout, do anything to let out the way I felt, but nothing would help. The person I loved didn't love me back.

With a sigh, I sank to the cold hard ground and buried my face into my knees.

(Sorry this one was so short. The next chapter will be longer and more enjoyable :) Don't be scared to leave a comment. I love my readers!!)


	12. Never Let Me Go.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Implied sex!

I sharpened my sword and headed down the hall to where Gandalf was staying. I was planning to literally end his life this very night. Instead, I bumped into Thorin. 

"Bilbo," he said. "I walked away not because I was angry, but because I was trying to come to terms with my own feelings. You see, Master Baggins, I feel the same way about you. I have tried to hide it because I didn't want the others to get any negative ideas. But I..." he reached out and grabbed my shoulders, causing me to tense up. "I need you, Bilbo. And not just on the journey, but...always."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. It was too good to be true. My heart was pounding a mile a minute, I was a nervous wreck. And here he was, touching me. Was he...actually leaning towards me? I couldn't move, couldn't think, couldn't breathe. And then his lips touched mine, and I just couldn't contain myself any longer. 

What happened next shall remain behind closed doors.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next morning we were leaving Rivendell, and I was sitting on a pony next to Kili, wincing with each step the pony took. Fili kept shooting me knowing glances, and Kili was getting upset because he thought Fili and I were speaking in some kind of code and keeping things from him. I couldn't stop smiling. 

Gandalf stayed behind, which was good, because I'd had enough of his old wrinkled face. I was still pissed at him for giving away my secret. Even though it all worked out, I was still very upset with that wizard for meddling in my affairs. 

Thorin was very good at hiding things. In public, he completely ignored me, but in private, let's just say he didn't. I didn't mind that he ignored me in public. I didn't want the others paying attention to our life. 

But something struck me. We were almost to Erebor. We were almost to the place of my nightmares. Should I tell Thorin about that time he had saved me, now that things were...well, good between us? I still wasn't sure. What if he didn't remember that day, and I just humiliated myself by bringing it up? Ugh.

As we neared the forest of Mirkwood, I became very uneasy. Something was off. Something was wrong. 

Something evil was festering in these woods....


	13. Mirkwood.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The company begins the journey through Mirkwood.

I wanted to go around Mirkwood, but the others said we should go around. Thorin was determined to wait for Gandalf, but I figured we should just go and meet him on the other side. The Dwarves began arguing amongst themselves, until finally Fili spoke up.

"Uncle, you know we all follow you. Tell us where to go. You lead, and we'll follow." Kili nodded agreement, as did I. Slowly, all the other Dwarves reluctantly agreed as well. 

It was decided. We were going through Mirkwood. I was very nervous, having heard many dangerous tales of this place. Not only did Wood Elves hunt here, but it was also infested with many creatures that needed blood to survive. And I wasn't looking forward to being a meal and having my bones slowly digested by some hideous monster that lived here.

Thorin noticed my discomfort and walked over. "Bilbo, is everything all right?" he asked.

I nodded, trying to appear brave. "Yes, I'm just a little nervous about Mirkwood," I answered. "Back home, I read many stories about this place..."

"Do you want to go around, instead?"

"No, no. That will take three days. I'll muster up my courage. We can go through these woods." 

Thorin nodded. "Okay, let's go." He drew his sword and walked into the woods. The company followed, as did I. I had a strange premonition that something was wrong, but I was with Thorin. What could honestly go wrong?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
An Eleven guard appeared outside the throne room, where Legolas, the king's son, and Tauriel, an Elven maiden, stood. The guard bowed before the prince, then stood up. "I wish to see King Thranduil," he said quietly.

Legolas looked at the guard. "For what reason?"

"Prince, a band of thirteen Dwarves has entered Mirkwood. They are in the forest right now as we speak, with a smaller one with them. King Thranduil's spies have not reported why they went through the forest, just that they are here. What shall our next move be?"

Legolas was astonished. Dwarves? Here? What did they want? His first impulse was to tell the king, but something stopped him. Like all Elves, Legolas despised Dwarves, but unlike all Elves, Legolas also had a respect for them. They were unwavering in battle, and once they had their minds set on something, nothing could dissuade them. He began to pace, then looked at Tauriel.

 

"Will you stay here, while I scout this disturbance?" he asked her, wondering if she would actually listen. To his surprise, she nodded. 

"I will make sure King Thranduil does not know of this," she said slowly. "Just hurry back. I don't know how long I can keep him occupied."

With a last nod to her, Legolas hurried away.

 

(Okay so guys, I have so many great plans for this story!! Like, things are just starting to get really good. Also, for those of you wondering, yes, there is going to be a slight romance with Tauriel and Kili, but it doesn't last long, because she ends up liking another Dwarf. But please, leave your comments!)


	14. Captured!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The company is captured outside of Mirkwood.

Mirkwood was taking its toll on all of us, making every single one of us nervous. Like I said, I had read many books on the horrors of Mirkwood, and I was in no hurry to experience them for myself. Many of the Dwarves were experiencing this for themselves, as they were fighting and arguing over many things. I couldn't even see a path, and I just found myself looking up a tree.

Up...a...tree.

Something in me snapped, and I began to climb. I heard the voices of the arguing Dwarves slipping away below me as I continued climbing. I was getting higher and higher, I could see sunlight!! I could see the sunlight shining through the trees again. Gandalf had mentioned something very vague..."Sunlight can heal most wounds of the mind." I need to see the sunlight in order for my mind to go completely back to normal.

As my head broke through the leaves, I checked our surroundings. "Thorin!" I shouted down below. "I have found the way!" And I had. I could see it completely.

"Thorin?" I shouted down below. Were they even listening to me? I was getting agitated, so I reluctantly came down from the tree and looked around, but I didn't see the company anywhere. I began to panic. Had they wandered off in their stupor? Had they come to and decided to abandon me in this dark place? No, Thorin would never abandon me.

Or would he? 

I suddenly noticed something, off in the distance. The company, being led through the woods by Elves. Oh, damn. The Elves had captured Thorin? I had to save them...I was their last hope.

Silently, I crept behind the Elves.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tauriel was waiting in the palace when Legolas arrived with the other Elves, with the Dwarves in front of them. She counted each one as they passed her, her eyes skimming over each one. 

"Have they been searched?" she asked Legolas in Elvish.

"Of course. I would not bring them in had they not," he answered.

She turned then, looking at them. As she looked over each one, she could see by the way they watched her (or didnt) which ones were the fighters. Three of them--the leader, a dark haired one and then the golden haired one--kept glaring at her, looking at her with defiant stares. A few others were just watching her in awe, as if they had never seen an Elf this close before. 

"Put them in the dungeons," she told Legolas, refusing to meet the golden-haired one's eyes. "I'll let King Thranduil know that we have found them."

As she walked away, she could feel those brown eyes boring into her.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I slipped through the Elven gate, being very careful not to make any noise. I looked around, frantic, wondering if there was going to be an Elf everywhere I turned. I had read that Elves were masters of stealth, and if one of them found me, all hope was lost. We would rot here.

I couldn't let Thorin down. Not now. Not when everything mattered. Getting out of here was a crucial point in time. If we didn't escape, we'd never make it to Erebor.

Not to mention that Thorin would hate me.

I quickly entered a side room, where a grand party was going on. I hid behind the shelf and watched as the Elven guards laughed and drank, and continued to drink. I sat down under the shelf, where I was well hidden but also could see what was going on. I began to feel drowsy, listening to the Elven music trickling into the small speakers where I was sitting. It reminded me of a lullaby my mother used to sing.

**************************************************  
I awoke to darkness, my shoulders and neck stiff. I had fallen asleep! What time was it? I silently prayed it wasn't too late for me to grab the keys and free the Dwarves. I quickly stood up and bit back a protest as my muscles screamed their protest. I limped over to the stand where the keys sat and grabbed them, making sure the Elves were fast asleep. Assured that they were, I headed back to the cells.


	15. Is This Gonna Be Forever?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thorin realizes the true meaning of treasure.

I headed to the cells and quickly unlocked Thorin's cage first, as it was only fitting. He gave me a smile and tenderly touched my arm, then ordered me to free the others. As I headed to Balin's cell, he gave me a nod. "You never cease to amaze us Dwarves, laddie," he told me, and I felt good.

After they were all freed, we hurried to the room where the guards had been drinking. I was nervous and unsure, hoping my makeshift plan would work. Bofur and Dwalin looked at me. "Where's the way out?" Dwalin asked me, rather accusingly.

I pointed to a cloister of barrels. "Get in," I ordereed.

"Are you kidding?" 

I looked at Thorin and made a silent plea for help.

"Do as he says!" Thorin demanded, and without hesitation the Dwarves jumped into the barrels. I was a little proud. One day, if this lasted forever, I'd be seated next to Thorin. I'd be a king! The thought made me shiver with excitement. But..would Thorin want me for a king?

After they were all in the barrels, I made sure they rolled out the trapdoor into the sea below. I then waited for the door to fall open again and when it did, I was holding on for dear life to Oin's barrel.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tauriel was astonished. How had the Dwarves managed to escape? Someone had stolen the keys, and freed the Dwarves. This would have to be reported to Thranduil, but Tauriel didn't want to tell him. Instead, she went to find Legolas.

"Legolas, I need your help. We must find the Dwarves before your father finds out," she told him. "I can take the blame, but...I would prefer not to face him at this time. He's not exactly in a fabulous mood."

"I understand," Legolas answered. "Let's find them. And let's hope my father does not find out."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Orcs. Standing up on the land, surrounding the gate which was our only way out. Thorin ran into the closed gates, frantically trying to pry them open. Dwalin tried to help, but to no avail.

Kili somehow managed to get out of his barrel, and tried to pull the handle that opened the gate. While he did, an Orc fired a shot, and it landed in his leg. Amid his screams, I heard a voice speaking in Orc.

"Give us the Hobbit," it said. It was Bolg, the son of Azog. Ew. What did he want with me? I might swing that way, but I was interested in Thorin, not that ugly piece of filth. 

Thorin scoffed. "Absolutely not. Bilbo belongs to us."

"Give us the Hobbit, or I will kill him," Bolg answered. He put a heavily armored foot on Kili, holding him down, while he aimed a spear right at his heart. I couldn't let him die. Without another word, I began to swim for shore.

"Bilbo! No!" Thorin shouted. 

My heart contracted when I heard the pain in his voice, but it also swelled that he didn't want me to go. I turned to face him. "Kili is your kin, Thorin," I replied. "I can save him, so I must."

Thorin's eyes became filled with sorrow and rage. Rage directed at Bolg, not me. I wanted to embrace him, to tell him goodbye, but there was no time. I hauled myself out of the water and ran over to where Kili was lying. I removed the arrow and he jumped back into a barrel.

Bolg lifted me by my hair, for Thorin's benefit. I struggled but couldn't get down. Thorin reached for his sword but didn't make a move.

"Thorin, listen to me," I pleaded. "You saved my life once, in Erebor. You can save it again. Moria, the Orcs are making camp in Moria. Before you come for me, you must reclaim Erebor!! You understand me? You must get the treasure that's rightfully yours."

"The only treasure I want," Thorin choked out, "is now out of my reach."

The gates opened, and I had to watch them float downriver. A small thought reverberated in my head...is this gonna be forever? With that look that had just been in Thorin's eyes, I could sincerely have hope.


	16. The Heart Can Only Take So Much.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Necromancer offers Bilbo a deal.

I still didn't know what the Orcs wanted with me, but I didn't protest. If I protested, they'd probably cut off my hands and feet. I desperately needed those, so I kept my mouth shut and didn't ask where we were going or what they wanted. 

I still remembered the look on Thorin's face when he'd seen Bolg take me away. He looked so genuinely sorrowful, so sad to have let them take me. But I didn't blame him, I did it to save him. Whether or not he saw it that way didn't matter. I had done what needed to be done. My next plan of action was to get out of here and find Erebor before they opened that door. I wanted to be there when it was opened.

Moria. That's where we were going, I was certain. I remembered yelling at Thorin to reclaim the treasure before coming to find me, and then he'd said....what had he said? I couldn't remember. Something about the only treasure he wanted being out of his reach. Had he meant...me?

My heart skipped a beat. That's what he'd meant! That's what he had told me! Joy filled my heart before a shadow fell over me. Thorin would never come. Even if he wanted to, he wouldn't dare risk the lives of the others. I didn't want him to risk their lives, but I wanted him to come for me. I supposed I'd just have to escape, and meet them at Erebor, the place of my nightmares. I didn't want to stay but I had to. 

Bolg and the others finally stopped at Moria. He dragged me inside, so I didn't get much time to look around and put together an escape plan. I could figure that out later. The ceilings were high and everything was dark and dreary. There was maybe one light coming from a small torch on the walls. Of course. Orcs could see in the dark. I, however, could not. I made a mental note of where all the torches were located, and how many hallways he dragged me through.

We finally entered one big room. Bolg threw me on the ground and left. I looked around, confused. He was leaving me here, out in the open, where I could easily traverse the hallways and escape? Don't mind if I did!

I began to walk to the entrance when I heard something behind me. Turning slowly, I saw...blackness. But I could hear a voice. A sinister, evil voice that sent chills down my spine.

"Bilbo Baggins," the voice said.

"How do you know me?" I choked out. "Who are you?"

"I am the necromancer," it answered. "The all seeing one. Sauron, the great. I am here to offer you the secrets to immortality."

"Why me?" I asked, ashamed to admit I was a bit intrigued. Immortality? That sounded nice. 

"You have a heart that's pure. I would love to corrupt it. To make you turn to my way would be a bitter blow to the company of Thorin Oakenshield. Your friends."

Corrupt my heart? How could he? I mean, I was already in pain from losing Thorin. The heart could only take so much, after all. I stared into the void, wondering what this necromancer-Sauron person wanted.

"What will receiving immortality require?"

"You must prove your loyalty to me, somehow. I will give you a series of tasks, and you will carry them out exactly the way I say. If you do each task perfectly, after the third task I will give you just rewards."

Something in me nagged at me. Tasks? That couldn't be good. This guy had a whole army of Orcs at his command. But...immortality. Thorin. I could be able to find Thorin, and help him, with no worries. I would never grow old! I could live out my days with him! The reward was too great for me to say no, although my better half was saying to refuse. How could I, now? This right here was the way out.

"All right. You've got a deal."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tauriel fell to her knees in despair when she realized the Dwarves had managed to escape, after all. Legolas came up behind her. "They took the small one, the Hobbit," he told her. "I have a feeling the others are going to go after him."

"Do you know where they're going?" she asked, reclaiming her footing.

"The Hobbit said they would be going to Moria. He was certain. He also told the Dwarves to leave him and go to reclaim the treasures in Erebor. We'd guessed sometime ago those Dwarves were going to that mountain."

"I'll intercept the Dwarves, in Erebor," Tauriel answered. "You must go to Moria and find that Hobbit. It might be the only way to bargain with Oakenshield."

"Maybe we should switch roles," Legolas replied uncertainly. "You know the mines of Moria better than I do."

"Yes, but I'm quicker. I can find the Dwarves and trail them." And I must find out if that golden-haired Dwarf is all right, she added to herself.

"All right, Tauriel, we'll do it your way." Legolas turned and ran into the underbrush, where he soon vanished.


	17. I Hate What I've Become.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four weeks later

4 weeks later

Death and destruction is what had become of my life. Sauron had promised me great things, and he kept letting me know that I was living up to my potential. I had already been given many rewards, although he kept postponing the time when I received my immortality. To me that was a bit unfair, but I couldn't just run away now.  Snippets of my old life would come rushing to the surface sometimes, but I could not remember what had happened four weeks ago, when Bolg brought me here. 

I was second in command to Azog.  I commanded an army of Orcs all on my own, and they actually listened to me. Whatever I said, went. I didn't remember my old life, but I hated what I'd become. A bloodthirsty, terrible person. How could I have just betrayed everything I cared about?

But...what did I care about? I couldn't remember. I knew that a few weeks earlier I had been traveling with some friends, but I couldn't remember a thing about them. Many times I'd tried to ask Azog or Sauron, but no one would tell me who they were. I kept remembering little things here and there, but never their names, what they looked like, who they were.  My brain kept trying to make me remember, but I couldn't. What was wrong with me?

I wanted to find out about those people I had been traveling with. I wanted to find them again. When the necromancer summoned me, I was ready.

"I need you to tell me about my past, or else I can no longer work for you," I said firmly, not even flinching. The necromancer was all talk, and if he made a move, the army of Orcs were only going to listen to Azog or I. Not him.

"The past is unnecessary,"  he told me. "You need to focus on the coming war."

"I am focused!" I said. "But my mind keeps trying to reach these memories that are hidden away, and I need to find them."

"You were once traveling with a band of thirteen Dwarves. You were in love. But none of that matters now. Your memories have been erased so that you can work with us without any distractions."

In love? Thorin Oakenshield!! Like a tidal wave, my memories hit me and I staggered back. How could I have forgotten the only person that had meant the world to me? The only one I'd been trying to save? How could I have let myself forget?!

I hated what I'd become.

And I was in too deep to back out now. Maybe, just maybe, I could command this last war and demand the troops go to Erebor, and I could be reunited with Thorin. My heart skipped a beat at thoughts of him. I knew that if I commanded these Orc troops during the final battle, he would see it as the ultimate act of betrayal.

I could stay away no longer. I had to go back, I had to find him and make everything right. Time had passed, about four weeks since I'd seen him last. I wanted to run out of there, but the promise of immortality held me back for a moment. Just a moment.

I began to think, to weigh the scales, to see which option I wanted. Did I dare leave all of this behind and go find my friends? Or did I stay, become an immortal god, and fight my friends to the death?

The decision was hard. I don't know why it was so hard. The weapons, the power, everything I'd received here seemed quite trifling now, and silly. But it also felt good. I loved wielding this power, having people jump to please me when I snapped my fingers, but it wasn't the same. I wanted to see Thorin again, to go back to the way we were before. 

I turned and walked out of the room where the necromancer was, and out the doors of Moria. I blinked at the sunlight, I hadn't seen it in days. This was going to be hard.

For the first time in weeks, I stepped out into the wide world again. I let the sunlight warm my face as I closed my eyes and felt my mind clear. I was Bilbo Baggins again, just a normal Hobbit, burglar in Thorin Oakenshield's company. 

And future king under the mountain.


	18. You Belong To Me.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thorin makes a terrible mistake.

Balin looked at Dwalin, a sickening feeling in his stomach threatening to weigh him down. It had been four weeks since the Orcs had taken Bilbo, and Thorin was not himself. Erebor had been reclaimed, it was now theirs, but Thorin refused to keep his promise and share in the wealth. 

Also, he could not find the Arkenstone, and it was making him crazy. The dragon sickness had taken it's toll, and it was only going to get worse and worse, until it consumed his very soul. And Balin didn't know how to stop it. They had searched for days for the Arkenstone, and it was nowhere to be found. All of the Dwarves wanted Bilbo back. They were certain he would be able to find it. 

But Bilbo was gone, far away in Moria, and Thorin could not be persuaded to go and find him. After all that had transpired, Balin could have sworn the two had been in love. But times had changed, people had change, feelings had changed. Thorin would never care about Bilbo again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tauriel had watched the Dwarves in the mountain. She had seen everything. They were refusing to come out and fight, and King Thranduil was very unhappy. She had found out all the Dwarves names: Oin, Gloin, Nori, Dori, Bofur, Bifur, Balin, Dwalin, Bombur, Thorin, Kili, and the golden-haired one, Fili. She had tried to get in and talk to them, but all the entrances were blocked off. She would just have to wait and hope that soon Legolas returned with the one that got away.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I was running through the woods, anxious to be away from Moria. There was no time to waste, no time to argue. I was anxious to be back. I suddenly stopped short.

An Elf was standing three feet in front of me. My heart slowed down and I just stood there and stared, wondering what he wanted. I had seen this Elf in Mirkwood. He was the King's son...Legolas, I think.

"Can I help you?" I asked.

"You must come with me," he replied, his voice low and his bow aimed at me. "Tauriel went to find your Dwarf friends. I am supposed to take you to them."

"Please do!" I said, hurriedly running over to stand beside him. "You know where they are?"

"Yes. They have reclaimed the mountain at Erebor."

At last! They had done it! The treasure was ours! I couldn't wait to see Thorin, to see how excited he'd be to see me, how happy we would both be. I couldn't wait to hug him again, and never let go. 

Legolas began walking, and I followed happily. This was the moment I had been waiting for. I would at last get to see all of my friends again. I wonder if they'd missed me. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was nearly nightfall when we reached Erebor. I was shocked to find the entrance sealed off, but it was no trouble. I could just climb it. I began to do just that, and when I finally reached the top, I saw the surprised faces of Fili and Kili.

"Bilbo!" Kili exclaimed. "We were hoping you would return!"

"Yes, I'm pleased to be back. How's Thorin?" 

Fili looked at me. "What did those Orcs do to you?" he asked suspiciously. 

"Nothing, I'm fine. Well...for a little while, I was tricked by promises of purpose and immortality. I wanted to stay and gain my immortality, but I had to come back. I had to see Thorin. I've been away from him for far to long, and it's time for us to see each other again."

"Uh, that might not be the best idea..." Kili said sadly.

"Why not?"

"Thorin isn't himself," Fili answered. "He's going mad with his search for the Arkenstone. The sickness that drove his grandfather mad is now affecting him."

What? My heart nearly stopped. That curse had come upon Thorin? Why? It didn't matter. I still wanted to see him. 

"I still want to see him," I said stubbornly, crossing my arms. 

"Fine," Fili answered after a sigh. "He's in the throne room."

I headed that way. Surely Thorin would be pleased to see me. I'd been gone a while. There was no reason for him to not want me here. I opened the doors to the throne room and walked in.

"Thorin, I'm here."

Thorin sat in the throne, wearing a crown. He stared at me, but it seemed like he was staring right through me, as if I wasn't even there. And it scared me..

"Bilbo." He got up and walked to me, grabbed my arm and pulled me into a small room off to the side. 

"Thorin, what are you doing?"

"You belong to me." He began to back out of the room, and a cage door slammed down in front of me. What? He had locked me up! I grabbed the bars. "Thorin, this isn't you! You know me! Now let me out of here!"

"I know who you are, Bilbo! But so that you won't betray me again, I'm keeping a close eye on you. Like I said, you belong to me."

When he'd left, the despair became to much, and I began to cry.


	19. I Won't Let You Go.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bilbo questions everything.

I don't know how long I was locked up, but presently Thorin came to get me. He had given me food and water, so I hadn't starved. But my heart was broken. How could he have treated me this way? I wanted to turn back time. Balin had come to my cell and told me that Thorin was sick with the Dragon Sickness, a sickness that took over his soul and was eating him alive. 

I had asked if there was a cure, but Balin shook his head glumly. "The only thing we can do is hope that somehow his senses will return to normal," he answered. I wanted to cry, I wanted to scream, but it would've been pointless. No one would've been there to hear and no one would have cared. At least, not now.

The only people who came to check on me were Balin, Bofur, and Dwalin. The others weren't allowed to see me, which made me angry. Why was I being treated like an enemy? What had I done to be treated this way? 

As time passed, I began to feel less angry. Thorin need help, and I could help him. He came to my cell one time, and I reminded him of everything that had happened between us, but he didn't seem to remember...or care. But that didn't mean I was going to stop trying to make him remember.

He came back once more. "You said we knew each other?" he spat the words.

"Yes, Thorin. We...never mind. We were really good friends, even closer than friends..."

He sighed. "I've been trying to remember you...but I can't. I'm ashamed to say that I can't remember you, even though you were once very important to me."

I sighed, too. "You are still important to me, Thorin. And even though you don't remember me right now, I won't let you go. You mean to much to me for me to just forget. This is real, what's between us. You'll remember soon, I'm sure of it."

He looked at me then, with a gaze so tender I wanted to cry. "You would not give up on me...even through everything that has happened?"

"Never, Thorin," I said. "I would never give up on you. How can you give up the one thing that has your heart? I belong to you, yes, but in a good way. Not in this cell, I don't belong here. You can be king, I don't have to. Just let me be with you."

Slowly, he began to back away. "I don't believe you."

"But I mean it!" I pleaded. "Every word of it. Why would I lie to you? When have I ever lied to you?! You saved my life twice, Thorin! Twice! Does that mean nothing?! You're being a complete and total coward! Just face the truth!"

His eyes began to blaze. "Shut up! You know nothing of the world! You left me here and chose to go with those Orcs! Why did you betray me like that? You could've stayed, but no, you chose to go. And you broke my heart!"

"I had to go!" I said, begging him to listen. "If I hadn't, they would have killed Kili...you're kin...and you'd be in a worse state than you're in now. I need you to remember, Thorin! I told you why I had to go...I didn't want to hurt you, but things had to happen. And now, here we are. I said it once, I'll say it again. I won't let you go."

He walked away after that, without saying another word. I slid down the wall against the cold, hard ground. What we'd had was going down in flames. It was being burnt to a cinder, and I couldn't put out the fire. The fire was this dragon sickness. The only way to save what we'd had was to cure Thorin.

Maybe the only way to do that was to give him the Arkenstone.


	20. Brokenhearted.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bilbo reevaluates his relationship.

The next day, I didn't get a visit from Thorin. Being locked in this cell was definitely aggravating. If Thorin wasn't going to give a damn about me, the least he could do was let me out. I would rather be commanding Orc armies than be sitting in a cage. But there was nothing I could do. I was powerless, the opposite of what I had been four weeks ago. Then, I had been powerful. I could have wiped my enemies out with just a snap of my fingers. But there was nothing I could do. I didn't have a choice. I was stuck here, for however long Thorin wanted me to be.

I was lonely, tired, brokenhearted, bored. I wanted to be freed, I wanted to live my life again. Did Thorin even care how much he was hurting me, leaving me in here? Did it matter to him? Did I matter to him? I shook my head. Not anymore, apparently I thought to myself sadly. I reached into my pocket and looked at the Arkenstone. I wanted to give it to him, to show him that he could still trust me. But then again, it could drive him more mad. I was in such a dilemma. To give or not to give. What was I going to do?

The answer came with Balin.

"Thorin told me to set you free," he said, springing the cage door free. I was beyond excited. "He did? Why?"

"He claims you have something he wants, and I'm to take you to him. He's in the throne room, waiting for you. If I were you, laddie, I'd hurry."

I didn't need to be told twice. I ran out of the room, into the throne room, where I figured the others would be. But the only person there was Thorin. I cautiously approached him. "Thorin?"

He looked at me with empty blue eyes, void of all emotion. I missed him terribly, I didn't want it to end this way. I didn't want it to end at all. But sadly, I had no choice. 

SUddenly, strong hands gripped my shoulders, and I was being pulled down, onto the gold, onto the jewels. I was stumbling, trying to pull away, trying to escape, but I could not. 

So Thorin had his way with me...on top of all that gold.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Fili was watching from the wall as the armies were slowly gathering. He wanted to call for Thorin, but then again he didn't. Thorin was insane, or at least halfway insane. There was no point in getting someone that crazy caught up in the war. He scanned below him again, and his eyes landed on Tauriel.

What was she doing here? Surely she wasn't planning on fighting. Had she come for him? Over the few weeks that had transpired, the two had been sneaking away to see each other...but if she was fighting, he wouldn't be able to bring himself to wound her. And that would pose a problem. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I was escorted back to my cell and thrown inside. Everything ached...inside and out. My heart was hurting. How had this happened? What had Thorin become? I felt tears brim my eyes. I was so tired of crying over him.

But I did.


	21. Facing The Torment.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SHORT CHAPTER

I had had enough. It was time to confront Thorin and ask him why he was treating me this way. I had thought we had a mutual understanding, that we both knew what was transpiring...but apparently, I had been very wrong. So I had been captured by the Necromancer for a while, but I hadn't come back changed. Something had happened to Thorin, and whatever it was, it was messing me up for the worst.

I sat in my little cage, and a few minutes later, Bofur showed up, still wearing that stupid hat. He looked at me and just sighed. I refused to meet his eyes. 

"Bilbo, Thorin is not himself. You know that."

I stayed silent, forcing myself to not speak. If I spoke, my voice would crack, revealing everything I was trying so hard to keep hidden. Bofur didn't--couldn't!--know about Thorin and I.

"What's wrong with him, Bofur?" I finally managed to ask.

"The Dragonsickness, Bilbo. The Arkenstone is making him crazy...he needs help, and none of us know how to provide it. He's away now, in the room with the melted gold, by himself. He wanted to be alone...I'll be back soon with food."

I didn't even bother calling him back.

"BILBO!" the voice was Thorin's. I turned to look and saw him rushing towards the cage. "Whoever put you in here? What have they done?" He was no longer wearing the crown or the robes...this was the Thorin I knew.

"You put me in here, Thorin, when I came back from the Necromancer's camp," I answered flatly. "I've been in here for exactly four weeks. Hardly any water, no food, and nothing but torment and torture, all of it by you. I don't know what happened to you, but it wasn't pretty. And you've ruined whatever trust I had in you. I can't look at you the same anymore, without remembering all that pain."

Thorin looked at me, confused for a moment. "You know that I would never do anything to cause you pain, Bilbo," he told me, his eyes filling with fear. "Please tell me I didn't do any of those things I'm thinking of."

"You did," I said coldly. "All of those things, and more."

With that, I walked away.


	22. AUTHOR'S NOTE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not an update!

Hello all :)

I love that you are enjoying this story, it makes my heart happy.

I apologize that I haven't been updating, I have a lot of stuff going on. So for right now, I am going to put this story on hold. I will TRY to update later tonight and for the rest of this week, but honestly, I don't know if that will get done. Please just bear with me. 

If you all want to keep up with me, follow me on Instagram or Tumblr.

Insta: @otps.fandoms.shipping or @gameofthrxnes_

Tumblr: queenunderthemountain96 

 

Also, my Wattpad account: TheCaptainHydra

Personal instagram: ravenlight_

Thank you all so much for reading this story! I will continue to update as much as I can :)


	23. Why Does It Hurt So Much?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another short chapter.

Even though I had walked out on Thorin, it didn't mean I didn't still want to be with him. I just couldn't deal with all of this ridiculous pain I kept feeling. I loved him, I wanted him, but I couldn't stay. 

I kept walking down a trail that seemed to never end. I found myself heading down the road to Mirkwood. King Thranduil was standing outside, his beauty compelling me to stay.

"Mister Baggins, were you not with the company of Thorin Oakenshield?"

I studied the rocks at my feet. "I had to leave. Thorin isn't himself."

"What you feel for that Dwarf is not real," Thranduil spat at me. "And nor should it be. Love between two men doesn't last."

"You know, don't you?" I said boldly. "You love Bard."

He stared at me, unmistakable hurt in his eyes. "Why does it hurt so much?" his voice was barely a whisper.

"I think, because it was real."

(sorry for the short update! Will update more soon. Love you all.)


	24. Confronting Thorin.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bilbo speaks out.

The next morning, I gathered my courage and went to face Thorin. I stood sure and strong outside his bedroom door, but inside, I was shaking.

I had been through so much--literally hell and back. All the bad choices I had made, everything that had gone down between Thorin and I, it was all up in the air now. This was the deciding factor. This decided all of our fates.

Thorin opened the door. He came out and looked at me. "Bilbo..."

"I love you, Thorin," I told him slowly. "Even after everything that went on between us, I love you. And Im not forcing you to feel the same way, I just wanted you to know that."

"Bilbo--"

"Wait, Im not done yet," Bilbo said, tears glazing his eyes. "I wanted to marry you. I wanted to go back to your hometown with you and become your king, spouse, whatever. But I can't do this, Thorin. All the pain you caused me, it won't work. I will always love you with all my heart, but please don't come after me. Move on. Find a woman, have an heir, restore your line of royal blood. I can never give you that. You knew that when we first got together. There was never hope. And no potion or magical spell can change the fact that I cannot have children."

Thorin just stared, trying hard to find words to say. But his mind went blank. He couldn't think of what to say that would comfort Bilbo, convince him to stay. But nothing came.

"I'm leaving," Bilbo continued, "back to Bag End, where I belong. Back to my books, and my pipeweed, and my seven breakfasts. That's not a life you can live, and not one you would want to. So goodbye, Thorin, my love, my king. I will see you in another life, if not this one."

Thorin could only watch as Bilbo walked away.


	25. A/N 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> UPDATE IMPORTANT

SEQUEL IN THE WORKS!

**Author's Note:**

> Transferred from Wattpad. Rights belong to me. Username on Wattpad is @TheCaptainHydra


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